The Crying Game

Name: The Crying Game
Objective: Make the parent doubt his/her abilities, compassion, grasp on reality, etc.
Purpose: A broken parent is a subservient parent.

The Game:
The Crying Game is very simple to do (if you're a baby), but is perhaps the most difficult head game for a parent to counter effectively, because the entire game involves blocking counter attempts.

It goes like this. A baby, bored with whatever it's chewing on, decides to cry for absolutely no reason. The parent swoops in to pick the baby up, because he/she is a good attachment parent. This is mistake number one. Picking up the baby will only make it cry harder and struggle. So, the parent sets the baby down. This is mistake number two, as setting the baby down will only make it cry harder. The baby then twists the knife by crying on its hands and knees like some broken and tortured political refugee from the cover of Time magazine (back when Time magazine cared about that kind of thing). The parent may then try any number of ways to improve the situation including: play, food, naps, going for runs, etc. All of these choices will, of course, only result in more crying.

The only semi-effective counter is to let the baby cry until it gets bored again, or is certain its nefarious objective has been met.

This seems like a very simple game on the surface, and the solution seems equally simple, despite the hardship one feels at letting their baby cry. The true genius, however, lies in the follow up when the parent's spouse comes home and hears that you let your baby "cry it out" and lectures you again about good attachment parenting, and how you absolutely failed him/her, the baby, and the world at large.

The Crying Game is the Kobayashi Maru test of the parenting world: a no win situation.

Babies know this. Don't think they don't know this.